The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.-Isaac Asimov
There are a ton of things you are juggling all at once right now, and an amazing amount of pressure is on you to make sure you don’t drop even one. If you were to drop something, it feels like it might just be the catastrophic end of the world. One of the worst feelings in the world is that of letting someone else down, especially one of your children. With all of this pressure, it is difficult to even consider adding another thing to your plate. It may be fine to continue to do what you are doing, maintaining the “status quo” of juggling all of these things that have now become your whole life. But, keep in mind that there will come a time that the things you are juggling will no longer be the priorities anymore. When that day comes, do you want to be left (likely in middle-age) just STARTING to sort out who YOU are?
At some point, your family will have grown to the point where they don’t need the same things from you any longer. When you get to that point, it would be a shame to find out that, after all the time you have invested in those around you, you don’t even recognize yourself any longer. What were those hopes and dreams you had before? What was it you enjoyed doing again? What kind of hobbies brought joy into your life before? Do you still have the abilities you had back then to do those things well now? Most of the time, we find that we have LOST our connection to what makes us happy by giving all of our time and effort to others.
As we age, our likes and dislikes change very naturally. Usually, though, there are a few activities that really help bring you back to your center. Writing, reading, learning, teaching, painting, bowling, martial arts, playing a musical instrument, pottery, or even knitting are all the kinds of things that often we learn how to do in our youth, but quit doing while we are giving all of ourselves to others. When we come to the point where no one is asking for our every second, we find that we have lost our prowess at these skills. We find that our bodies and our minds are no longer properly trained to do these things that make us happy. When we are not physically or mentally ready, these things that used to bring us so much happiness now cause incredible frustration. Muscle memory has disappeared for your favorite dance moves or you can’t recall how to do your favorite stitch… If, instead, you were able to at least “dabble” in the activity over all of that time, you would be much better prepared to dive in and hit the ground running once you are able to come up for air after raising your family.
It is a form of self-care to maintain your abilities to do these things. And, in this world full of a take-take-take attitude, it is also teaching your family how to navigate life in a healthy way… that it is important to stay true to themselves and to make time to do things that they love. It will also create a life full of meaningful time, less likely to slip past unnoticed. Similar to that odd feeling you get when you are driving home from work and realize you have no idea how you got this far without being conscious of your driving efforts, you don’t want to “wake up” in life already at your destination. It is absolutely worth noticing every moment that passes in your life. When it gets to the point where it has become monotonous and personally uninspiring, you may find that the time is disappearing from your consciousness… That is when you know for sure that you have lost your center. Life has too many amazing things to offer for this to ever happen to you.
If you never really found anything in your younger years that brought you to this center, you should take some time to start searching for what you enjoy now! It adds interest and depth to a life that can be very stressful and repetitive. You do not need to dedicate a lot of time, maybe one hour per week, to this goal.* You wanted to finish your college degree? Take one class, and then when that class is done, take another one. You will be thrilled when the juggling stops and you find that you are so near, or possibly even finished, with that goal. Want to play your instrument again? Get it out and practice one scale each day. You will shake off the cobwebs, start getting your groove back, and possibly even spike some interest in your little ones.
This post is a challenge to its readers. Find one anchor that can help you keep in touch with your center… what makes you “who you are”. What is something that you can do to retain your “self” even during all of the chaos?
*Of course, more is usually better! If you can set aside 15 minutes per day (that adds up to under two hours per week) you can really stay in touch with your center! It’s time well spent. Don’t feel like you have to “finish” anything during this time…. Instead of it just being a quick-fix and then going right back to the grind of life, let your “project” breath and have space in your life!